Friday 29 March 2013

Painfully Resourceful

Last week I went for a pleasant bike ride with my husband. We rode down by the river. A lazy, no-where-to-be tour, enjoying the sunshine. It was a beautiful afternoon together. I am glad that we did go. I was close to botching the plan before we left.

I had a bit of a stress-out as we prepared. Why? Simply because we were on bikes that were someone else's discards. The bike trailer we pulled my daughter in had worn out Velcro and so my husband had bungee straps and zap straps holding it shut. One tire was a little wobbly. My bike was a touch rusty.

I would like to travel by bike with my daughter this spring. But in order for me to do that, I need a bike. And we don't have the money right now to invest in a bike and trailer. Thankfully my husband is downright resourceful.

Thankful in theory. I need to work on genuinely feeling, and showing, the gratitude. I know that if he wasn't so proficient at fixing such a myriad of things we wouldn't have what we have. We wouldn't have a camper trailer that he spent hours and hours fixing so we could go on a trip without stuffing a Jeep to overfull and spending forever setting up. We wouldn't have had some of our vehicles. We wouldn't have his newest toy-- a John Deere tractor with ATV tires in which he added an ahooga horn and took our wide-eyed toddler for a ride. We wouldn't have a snowmobile.

A snowmobile that he could fix over and over again. One time a neighbor got the throttle stuck and my husband didn't know and so when he turned it on he drove it into another neighbor's house, dragging him along the way. Good thing he could fix the house too. He had steered it away from a new car as he couldn't fix that (to new car standards).

It took me a while to be okay with his second hand, MacgGyver-like, bartering way of acquiring things. We have different views of what is good condition. I am apposed to rips, rust, missing pieces, and stains. I know. Very hollow of me. Growing up we we had no money and I was teased for wearing items from the thrift store window (this was before second hand was trendy). I grew to hate anything that gave the impression of not being able to afford something. Likewise, to my husband, zap straps and duct tape repairs are just cosmetic things that don't affect the function. Once he was told by a police man to remove the coins he had ingeniously (or not) drilled and used as washers to hold the visor on his van.

He fixes things instead of just tossing them.

Oh, the juvenile stress this has caused me! Especially when he would tackle a problem not knowing what was wrong. A few attempts to fix the furnace. Is that safe? Some trial and error to repair the dryer. Imagine the money he has saved doing the repairs himself on the car, the pellet stove, the boat. He even took apart a play station that wasn't working. While I nagged him for being stupid for cutting it open because it required some factory tool. Oh be quiet Lindy, he fixed it. I am good at nagging. Like when he broke into the car out of town after his older daughter had locked the keys in it. "You better not wreck the door. If I have to crawl across the seat every time I am not going to be very happy."

Now that I am not working full time and don't have my expendable income, I am more aware of what really needs to be new and what is just fine left old. Like dishes. I hate mine but don't think I'll just spend $80 on a whim to replace the 8 settings. I'll keep an eye open but know it may take longer to find what I want for much less. I love the hand-me-down clothes for my daughter because she barely uses them before growing again. I love garage sales and online deals. I am typing on a used phone from Craigslist.

I look back at our marriage pre-baby and I am a little ashamed. I had just finally got a career when we first married. And for the first time ever in my life, if I wanted something I could get it. And it was a liberating feeling. A release from no money growing up. A nice shelf? Check. A gift for someone? Check. An ornament I like? Check. I handled the change in finances with a severe lack of proper stewardship.

I spent way too much money on the wedding. I invested too much on new books. Electronic gadgets. Kitchen appliances. When I was pregnant I bought way too many clothes that I knew I could only use for such a small period of time. And jewelry. Oh, I love jewelry. Looking back I could have used that money more wisely. *Blush*

But I can't change the past. The only thing I can change is my attitude and my choices now. Would I rather go on a nice bike ride with my daughter and enjoy the time together, or skip the whole idea because I can't splurge on a new bike of my choice? Of course I choose second hand! Sure, someone may judge. But most wont notice. Like the large packs we own that we used to camp on a mountain top. Or the sandbox my daughter enjoyed last summer with her niece. Or the motor boat with the bent window frame that we took to the lake.

Go, honey, go! Keep finding those great deals! Life is about experience and togetherness. Worrying about appearances is just going to prevent those moments from happening.

And now I have it in writing so you can hold me accountable when I unnecessarily stress about whether an earthly treasure is good enough. Stop being a party pooper! I want my relationships and experiences to be good enough.

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Matthew 6:19-21.

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