Sunday 2 June 2013

Soon to be Seven

Just two short months away from my seventh anniversary. Crazy. It just feels like yesterday and simultaneously feels like an eternity has passed. Each year I am grateful for something that is rare and that I didn't think I would have. We have celebrated on the top of a gorgeous mountain and on the salty sea shore. We have enjoyed our anniversary with nature back packing, driving miles of adventurous road, and splurging in a fancy hotel.

We still suffer through some of the same frustrations as at the start yet we have overcome so much. We still love each other like when we fell in love, within a week of meeting, and in many ways our love has broadened, here eight years later.

I love to look back and endearingly remember why I married my husband. (And sometimes I need to look back.) His strength, energy, and generosity. How he loved to add an aspect of fun, even if I didn't always think it was safe. His solid relationship with his first daughter. His love for children. His amazing singing voice. And most of all his unconditional love. It never mattered what I did wrong. His love always remained strong.

There are things I didn't really appreciate about my husband when we first married. But discovering who he really is and why he does what he does I have learned that some strengths can only exists if other areas are allowed to take the back seat. It isn't always about him getting better. It is about us working together.

Sometimes we work together very well. We work creatively together to make things for events. We sometimes parent together very well. But we are both pretty smitten with our little girl. This morning we all sat in the living room and looked through her collection of new books from yesterday's garage sale.

Other times we don't operate very smoothly. It takes a conscious effort to step back from our individual to-do lists and our internal distractions and look at each others needs. I can be too selfish. He can be too focused on outside things. Life is a busy place. And sometimes our ideas on how to spend those busy days do not mesh well with each other.

Another clash that can occur is releasing stress at home. My husband is a loving, generous, serving, people pleaser. Sometimes he has to let out some stress that he holds. Even though it is never too big, sometimes even just a vague attitude, I don't take it well since he hid all his frustrations so thoroughly at first. I actually believed nothing ever bothered him and his mind was at peace. But a smile doesn't mean everything is okay. It just means you want to make it look like everything is okay. So I try to appreciate his honesty and let him open up.

And try to stop opening up myself. I am good at releasing stress through words. I can complain way too much. I am so very thankful that he has been patient with me in this area. I think too much, as you may have already surmised. I need to be careful before I speak my thoughts. Because often they can distract from what really matters. Too many words clutter out what is really important.

Our communication with each other still has a ways to go. But it has advanced from the beginning with a man who keeps it all in and a woman who probably should. Communication is a very important part of a marriage. We heard that advice from so many people right from the beginning.

And a relationship with God helps too. I don't know how people do it without Him. I can turn to Him when I want to give up. He helps me change my focus, reset my priorities, and most importantly, to forgive.

Sometimes I irritably feel like there is too much to forgive. But then I am reminded that there is also way too much to be thankful for in our exciting lives together. It needs work. But we have love I never could have imagined. We have many wonderful memories. It never gets boring! So many discoveries together in life and travel. So much laughter. We have dreams we share. And we have a beautiful daughter.

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