I Don't Like My Friends

When I was younger I really struggled with relationships. I was so self conscious and apprehensive that I never felt anyone was really there for me. I worried about trivial things. Like, how should I act around this person? And, if I talk to this person, what will other people think? In my insecurity I picked up and dropped friends easily. I was so self absorbed that I never thought how it would feel to the others involved.

Friendships are a struggle for many people. It is natural to question whether it would be easier to just be free of them. They seem so much work and they are never guaranteed to go the way we want.  (Um, well, they usually don't follow your intentions.) They are a risky, time consuming investment.

The idea of letting someone see your faults. The act of accepting the shortcomings of another. And then pushing through your differences. Relationships can be painful. They can be tough. They can be stressful. Keeping them may require some clarifying questions. Some blind trusting. Some forgiving. Some letting go. 

Now that I am older, I have many long standing friendships. We have constant misunderstandings. We clash. We lose touch momentarily. We forget birthdays and anniversaries. We get too self involved at times to see the need in the other. We are imperfect people walking through life together. 

I don't like my friends. They push me out of my comfort zone. They test my patience and my ability to forgive. They make me question my beliefs. They examine my empathy. My motives. My commitment. My perseverance. They hinder my steps at times and change my direction at others. 

I don't like my friends. I  love them.  

They expand my horizons. Enrich my memories. Awaken my passion. Establish my character. Lesson my sorrow. Solidify my stance. Bring out my strengths. Sharpen my edges. They help me grow.