Two weeks ago I went through the most drastic step in the realigning process. I had jaw surgery. The surgeon sliced my bottom jaw and slid it forward and plated my new jaw together. Ouch. My apologies if that makes you shudder. At my first meeting with him I actually almost threw up when he explained it to me. I'm sure I was almost hyperventilating when they wheeled me in to the operating room. But they talked so calmly and kindly and promptly sent me off to dreamland.
I woke up in much less pain than I expected. I tried morphine twice and decided that I did not like the feeling of it at all as it made me sweaty and itchy and light headed. The pain was definitely bearable. And healing has been relatively great. I was so worried about the recovery process with an energetic, cuddly toddler. But in most ways, it has been better than expected.
I thought I would be stuck on the couch all day, getting up briefly when I determined that my almost two-year-old's activities were becoming dangerous. Dreading every time she was hungry. Watching my house fall apart and itching to get out. But instead, I had my two days rest in the hospital and then went home to taking it easy but still doing things. We snuggled and read books, took the dogs for nice walks, went to play group, went to the grocery store, and lived an almost normal life.
Almost. Mommy has been very tired. The first week I let her fall asleep to movies too many times and suddenly she wouldn't go to sleep without one. So I had to put an end to that. Movies were much easier on my face than reading books through gritted teeth, but she still understood my words and so reading it was. Frequently, upon her request. Yes, a relaxing activity. But not for a sore mouth. I think my incessant talking is why I bruised so badly.
But the bruises were helpful. They were a reminder to my girl to be careful. Every once in a while she would say, "Let me see your chin." And then she would announce matter-of-factly, "I have bruises, too." It seems that she is also a little better at entertaining herself now, too. No, mommy can't spin. No, mommy can't bounce. Mommy's no means no. No, mommy doesn't have the energy to run.
Or do housework. I have never let my floors get so bad. But that's just the way it has to be. Leaning forward is the biggest issue. And I get enough of that with changing her bum, washing her hair, soothing a nightmare. And dealing with the dogs. I've had to scrub manure from one dog's back and cut burrs from the armpits and behind of the other dog.
I've learned that adequate health for day to day tasks is truly a blessing. One day I had to clean the tub because it just wasn't usable and it was the most difficult task ever. Another day I wanted to start the pellet stove and had to keep bending over to reach the controls again and again because I couldn't get it to work. It was beyond frustrating.
I'm so very glad that I have the ability to enjoy my daughter. I'm so very blessed to be able to take care of two large dogs (though I'm thinking the idea was a crazy one). I'm so happy that we can all get outside and enjoy this beautiful place we live. And once I can sleep without an incline and on my side again, I will really appreciate the blessing of being able to do something as simple as sleep if I would like.
I really take advantage of the many blessings that I have and all the things that I get to do with my day. Like nap time. Today I sit here enjoying her nap time for the first time in 5 days. She's been sleeping soundly for two and a half hours after going down no problem. So many times the last few days I wanted to nap myself but just couldn't get her to comply. And I know she needed it. It showed in her lack of patience and unwillingness to try again if something didn't work. I don't know if it was her reaction to changes with me at home. Or throwing her off with a late drive on Sunday. But she hasn't had a good nap since Saturday, and today is Thursday. I'm sitting here with the dogs, ready to pounce on them if they dare make a noise as they insist on wrestling. Hey, stop growling.
And I'm trying to figure out how to quell the hunger in my belly. Blended soups, milk shakes, protein shakes, fresh fruit and veggie drinks. I've even tried blended lasagna and blended sausages and potatoes. I'm kind of glad I had this surgery when I had a toddler. I've still had to provide healthy food for my family so it has ensured that I am getting proper nutrition. Tonight is fish and carrots and roasted potatoes. Oh I miss crunchy things and fresh salad! And pizza.
Having a toddler has also kept me from feeling sorry for myself. I still have to get up and face the day and set an example. And she has helped me to enjoy each day. I'm sure the "old" me would have stayed in bed and become quite bored and then took forever to get out of the slump. Day 7, 8, and 9 were probably the most unbearable. I was tired of drooling food on myself as I attempted to consume enough calories with a tightly closed jaw. I was too uncomfortable to sleep. But on day 10 the elastics were cut and I was allowed to open my mouth again and this made drinking and taking medication much easier.
It's amazing what they can do now! They used to have to wire the mouth shut for six whole weeks. That would have been torture! Before I know it I will be on solids and this will be all behind me. And my mouth will finally, in my late thirties, be comfortable. The pain and bruising will go away. I'll be able to exercise again. And life will be back to normal.
And eventually, my daughter will get to see her mom without metal in her mouth.
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