Why are some people confident while others are indecisive and insecure? Why are some people respectful while others just can't seem to acknowledge the feelings of another? There are so many contributing factors that lead to our temperament and our reaction to our surroundings. Our genetics, our upbringing, our health, our attention span, our relationships.
Especially while our brain is developing. Everything around a child teaches that child about what life is, about how people treat each other, about what priorities we should have, and about what is wrong and what is right. We all have a little voice in our head. This voice was developed long, long ago.
More than once I have come across the statement that the way we speak to little children as they develop becomes the voice in their head. This totally makes sense. And makes me cringe at the old adage "children must be seen and not heard". Or the idea of "toughening them up". I see a resulting society full of angry, lonely, insecure adults. Our childhood is never an excuse to not achieve things, but it can sure make the process much more difficult. Especially when you realize how deep into our psych it goes.
My default is to worry about what people think and criticize myself for not doing better. I remember my mom offering suggestions for how I could do things better. "Good job. Next time..." Her intentions were for my growth. Like most parents. Our intention is to help our children be their best. But it is filtered through our stresses, altering the message delivery, and their underdeveloped cognition, altering the message perception.
I have kept this thought at the forefront of my mind when I am stressed or tired or mad at someone and it has nothing to do with my daughter. She reads my expression, my tone, my attention span, my time. No matter what excuse I have for how I am responding. She believes the world revolves around her. Everything is for her and because of her.
I want her to have good "default" thought processes. I want her to believe in herself. To tell herself to give it her best. To have patience with herself. To be able to forgive herself for her faults. To get back up when she falls. To believe she is loved.
Of course I will love her and support her and forgive her and believe in her. But how will she know that? She can't read my mind. I have to cheer for her. Listen to her. Embrace her. Be excited for her. Tell her I love her.
It shouldn't be difficult when she is so amazing. But I am human and will have to make that conscious decision day by day and moment by moment. When she's kept me up too much at night. When she's made me run late. When she's really loud or throws things. When my to do list is a mile long. When other people upset me. When I am stressed about money.
It isn't just her current mood or the making of a good or bad day for her. It is her future. Her life.
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