Being a patient, loving, encouraging mother can be difficult sometimes. There are the stresses of life that distract us. Money, safety, diet, the future. There are the tiresome day to day requirements, like cooking, cleaning, and shopping. And doing it all again. With a helper. Some days there isn't enough time to intuitively teach, kindly admonish, patiently guide, and joyfully encourage. Occasionally, our goal is to just get through. The worries and stresses we have to deal with aren't the only ones. We have our little children's emotions to deal with as well.
Today I didn't let her buckle her own seat because we were late. We were late getting one more stop in before nap. Not a good combination.
Today my daughter watched a huge spider flutter in the wind outside the window. After it fell she was certain the speck of food on her shirt was said spider. Not a good outcome.
But, the ups and downs occur. The tears break for the smiles. The overwhelming moments are separated by the amazing or the entertaining.
Today my daughter woke up from nap, recited the alphabet, and promptly fell back asleep.
Today, my daughter begged, Daddy, move your chair. I want mine behind. (She is working on the idea of behind and in front of.) Daddy! I can't see the TV now!!
It can be difficult. But definitely more rewarding. The joys of discovery. There is nothing better than being a parent. Truly.
There is one thing that I cannot grasp, though. Why, oh why, would nature -- nature that wants to grow our family and not tear it apart -- decide to take a tired, busy, concerned woman...
...and give her PMS.
I just don't get it. I would never hurt my child. But I'm sure my attitude is exponentially worse when dealing with things those few days a month. (I say I'm sure like it is even questionable instead of obvious). It isn't something that results in better parenting, that's for certain. My confidence drops, my attention span wanes, and I would rather just sleep and not talk to anyone.
But I have this adorable little girl telling me stories and wanting to learn to put on her own clothing. Can't we just stay naked today?
I know PMS is a part of life. I also know that it can be exemplified by certain factors. Some months it passes with little notice and my relationships are intact and no bad decisions have been made. Other times life just ceases to function.
But it must continue. I must demonstrate that even though I'd love to chop my husband's head off in my hormonal state, I still love Daddy. I must perform my tasks and show her that things need to be done whether you feel like it or not. I must be devoted to her like my true self even when this intruder takes over and can't stand crying and whining. I. Must. Be. A. Good. Mom.
Or, we can just nap all afternoon, eat pancakes for dinner, and watch nature videos. That sounds great, too.