Run Through The Blessings

This morning I had a great run in the crisp, cool air. As I was running and enjoying the mountainous view, I was thinking about some pressing issues for which I have been pondering different solutions. Despite the freezing temperatures at that early hour there were other energetic joggers and dedicated dog owners. As someone passed me they said hello and commented that my daughter (who was not with me) was beautiful. I said thank you and smiled as I thought of my amazing little girl.

That turned my concentration from the stress of money and trying to co-parent with someone who is (thankfully) not like myself, to reflecting on my many blessings. More blessings than just the miracle of my sturdy, secure, sweet baby girl.

The first was obvious. Here I was thoroughly enjoying a run and it felt great. I was at almost 20 minutes and only half done. As a run-down teenager I'd suffered with fibromyalgia, exercise induced asthma and migraines, irritable bowel syndrome, back aches, other stresses, and the resulting un-fit body that came from all these bricks I could no longer carry. Add in Leukemia later on and I had more to push through in my rugged venture to an active lifestyle. This glorious morning my muscles felt strong and my breathing healthy. My only issue a small tightness in my calf that I knew was from landing wrong during a workout move the day before. I was blessed in overcoming poor health and getting to levels that greatly surpassed my goals.

Blessing number two was where I got to customarily do all of this. My invigorating workout trail is just outside my door. I gazed at the snow covered mountains that harbored hiking, skiing, snowshoeing, and snowmobiling trails. The fresh flowing water swirling against the banks. The snow melting on mazes of trails waiting to be rediscovered. The trees taking in the sun in preparation for blooming. The path lazily meandered along the river next to marshy plants beginning their spring growth and returning geese contently bathing (or whatever they were doing). Even as I left the path and turned up the road, I ran down peaceful streets with old, even vintage, homes in cute little yards. Well, mostly peaceful. I passed a group preparing to go snowmobiling and firing up the sled to load it onto the truck.

I love where I live. The outdoor playground with beautiful scenery as a backdrop. The friendly locals and the abundance of fun loving tourists. I feel this is a good, safe place for my daughter to grow up. Where she will enjoy many seasons and the best natural paradise her feet could ever trod. Riding bikes to school. Playing in the snow. Camping and hiking. Sitting in charming little coffee shops savoring a treat.

I have been blessed to spend time with wonderful people in my life here as well. Great friends who enjoy different aspects of life with me. My snowshoers and choir singers and church goers and board gamers. I have been blessed with a welcoming church that has lovingly helped me, patiently stood by me, faithfully pushed me, and consistently had grace with me as I learned, healed, and grew over the last 16 years. I am very grateful for those who have (repeatedly) forgiven me and walked with me anyway when I had struggles. Dependable, sustained relationships, with their faults and grievances, provide a back bone for strengthening character and walking into the destinies that God has for us.

If I look I can see many blessings. Blessings that are bigger than my faults as a mother and wife. Bigger than the mistakes I have made. Bigger than the unknowns that I head into. Life isn't perfect. It is far from it. But the abundance of miracles and favor outweigh the things that can darkly occupy my thoughts as I run and contemplate.

I am thankful for the path I now tread, even with its share of slippery slopes and cantankerous bumps. And I am excited for the new, even more challenging paths it will lead me down in the future.

ABCs of You and Me

My daughter loves Dr Suess's ABC book, though she can't understand why the camel on the ceiling is upside down and so she has to turn the book over.

I would like to share with you the ABCs of our life at the moment.

A- Apple. I should count how many times in a day I hear this word. Not only does she love them but with the possession of Apple phones she sees the logo and it lights up her face as she exclaims, "Apple!"
B- Banana. Yes, fruit is a big theme around here.
C- Cheddar Bunnies. Cute little crackers that bring a smile. I try to have some in my purse but she is starting to expect that and seeking them out. People don't appreciate a bag of cheesy crackers dumped on their carpet.
D- Dogs. She adores ours. Anyone have one that they'd like to introduce to my daughter? She can't get enough of them.
E- Eye. Please, little miss. Stop poking us in the eye. Yes, we are proud of you for knowing what it is called, too. But blunt contact is not necessary.
F- Finances. My toddler is oblivious to this part of our life. Thankfully. Nevertheless, it encompasses too much of my thoughts and needs to take more of my actions.
G- Grandparents. Kisses and hugs. Snacks and laughter. Love, love, love.
H- Hooray. Hooray. Hooray. Oh, I love how she says that.
I- Integrity. I have lowered a lot of standards like housework and healthy eating. But integrity is something important we have to demonstrate for our daughter and her future.
J- Jump. "Ready?" she says as she climbs up. Then, "Two, two, two". We count for her, "One, two, three, GO!" as she thinks about jumping and wants to jump, but then carefully steps down.
K- Keepsake. Her cute little shoes. Monkey themed toys and clothes. Meaningful gifts. Cards. Drawings. I think I will have to downsize later. But that's okay. You can throw out what you kept but you can't get back what is thrown out.
L- Laundry. I think with a child this is a given. Food all over herself. Falling in the mud. Baths every day. It gets washed but often sits in the clean basket for a long time. That reminds me. She emptied my bottom drawer into my dirty laundry basket yesterday. I better put it back before dad washes it unnecessarily.
M- Mum. I just melt when I hear this word. She likes to say it in a "Are you there? Okay, great" kind of tone that is sooo sweet.
N- Nursery rhymes. My munchkin loves Mother Goose play group. She tries to sing along. Well, not at play group. There, she is too busy socializing. "Tick-tock, tick-tock, I'm a little cuckoo clock."
O- Oooh! The moon! Oooh! A train! Oooh! A truck! Oooh! There's my dog! Oooh! My girl is so full of expression bursting from her seams.
P- Pear. Another favorite. She'll eat the whole fruit right through the core.
Q- Quiet. No, parenting isn't a quiet venture but this mom does keep forgetting to put on music (and doesn't watch tv) so sometimes it is probably quieter than it should be. See the letter X, though. The quiet is being fought.
R- Reading. Something she wants to do anytime of day. And I don't mind complying.
S- Splash. Puddles. Bath water. The pool. It is a very exciting activity. When is the last time you tried it??
T- Two/Ten. My 16 month old can't count past two but if you count 123456789 she will always say TEN.
U- Up. You're trying to chop veggies? Well, I need up. Wash dishes? I need up. You have to pee? Up, now. You're on the phone? Up, up, up!
V- Vacuum. Toddler+Dog+Husband= Messy. I have to vacuum every other day just so I feel like I have a clean enough floor to work out on. Oh, and clean enough for her to play. That is important too.
W- Walk. Walk the dog. Walk outside. Walk from room to room. Walk. Walk. Walk. Such sturdy little legs.
X- Xylophone. She has a little one from my cousin. She likes anything that makes a noise when hit. Pots and pans, especially.
Y- Yogurt. I like the Greek unsweetened stuff. It is so versatile. With fruit or oatmeal. With tuna or salmon. In a banana peanut butter smoothie. As my daughter would say, "Mmmmmm!"
Z- Zippers. Intriguing little things that show the amazing fine motor skills of my darling Curious Georgette.

Our ABCs will most likely change from week to week as she explores new foods and makes novel discoveries in her environment. Today, I think we'll take a walk by the river and see what she will "Oooh" at with her wide eyes and contagious smile.

Toddlerhood Ahead

Toddlerhood. I didn't expect it to be a walk in the park. I knew that if millions of parents said it was arduous, then it must be a bit of a struggle. If most children become a little obstinate then, no matter how good I am as a parent, my child will be headstrong at times as well. I was hoping for the best but preparing for the worst. I have seen my share of painful pounding-the-floor fits, heart-wrenching I-hate-you screams, and embarrassing football-hold evacuations. I am ready.

I used to gloat in how well behaved my sweetie could be. She would follow me when I asked, leave things alone when I said don't touch, and eat her meals cooperatively (albeit with quite a large mess). I basked in the obedience being bestowed on me because I knew very well that it was temporary.

And now it has begun. She wants to walk. But not in the right direction. I give her a moment then redirect her only to have her make a scene like I am torturing her out in the public streets. I usually have to distract her by turning carrying her into a fun ride. Then she laughs and forgets we aren't going in the direction she was determined to explore. Whew.

She doesn't want to leave what she is looking at yet. She doesn't want to stop to have her diaper changed. She doesn't want mom to use anything that she can't touch, like a phone or a pen or a dirty dustpan. She doesn't want to eat that. The whole world revolves around her and she can't understand why we, who love her so, aren't doing as she wishes!

I am quite thankful that so far crying is her only arsenal. No punching or kicking or hitting. I try to keep my reactions level headed and set the example of patience and gentleness. In all reality sometimes I feel like letting out a pressure releasing scream. Like when she forgets why she is upset and isn't quite sure what is required to make her feel better. She cries to be put down and then is upset that I would have the audacity to do so and wants right back up.

I think her current unhinged persona may be a little exemplified this week because she has had her sleep thrown off by a church conference that necessitated both later nights and earlier mornings. Mom and dad are left spiritually awakened and encouraged while she, though she emphatically loved all the music services, is left feeling utterly drained.

Then, in the on-top-of-everything-else fashion that it always seems to take, she is currently getting her second molar. Red cheeks. Drooling. Inconsistent naps that are short one day, double length the next. Come on, little tooth! Stop thinking about it and make your debut so that my sweetheart is released from the resulting pain! Then, hopefully, my daughter will be a little less emotional.

But if not, we'll just have to roll with the punches. Keep calm, mommy, keep calm. As her communication improves she will be a little less frustrated. And you'll be able to be more precise in your comforting instead of general "it will be okay" reassuring when you actually have no idea what "it" is.

Hmmm. Sounds like a woman.

Unsolicited Advice

Unsolicited advice. It isn't hard to find. Especially with the use of social media. Comments bringing up safety on a photo. Warnings sent as a result of a Facebook status. Everyone has an opinion. And though not all people express their concern, many people will.

Having a child seems to open the door for exhortations. It is like your life cannot be private anymore. You have a little representative bringing to light your lifestyle choices. I can't imagine how much this intensifies when this mini family spokesperson gains a voice and is free to share what happens behind closed doors.

Some people find this new position under the magnifying glass very intimidating. They can feel the eyes watching their every move and don't like the feeling of a judging paparazzi. I can empathize. My first few months as a mother I questioned what route I would take in so many areas and I really second guessed myself. There were so many options and each option had research proving it was "right". Add in the sentiments of this person and that person and the awareness that you can't please them all (on top of all the changes and lack of sleep) and the stress increases.

As I got more comfortable with myself and my family I wasn't bothered by the two-bits of others anymore. And now I have a hypotheses. Life would actually suck if it all stopped.

I think we often don't think of the consequences of our wishes. And unsolicited advice falls in this category. Imagine if everyone kept their thoughts to themselves? Sure, you may not feel as judged. Or not as inconvenienced. But what would you be missing?

If I'd had no uncalled-for counsel I wouldn't have discovered the joy of wearing my daughter, which came in handy trying to get things done. If it wasn't for other people pushing their ideas I would have refused to try a pacifier which I now find is such a natural comfort for my baby that I don't regret. Without family pushing me in the area of diet I probably would have been way too strict and ended up with a child that would have rebelled from healthy eating when she got older. (Disclaimer: The previous sentence does not nullify my request that my little one be given healthy choices, as I believe healthy eating is very important.)

I can think of many times my very tired brain had trouble thinking and something someone said opened my eyes to what was obvious. If they didn't care enough to try to help I would have missed out on some important little things.

That's right. If they didn't care. Usually, when someone shares a piece of knowledge it is because they care. If you meant nothing to them why would it matter to them what you did, unless it directly affected them? When my grandmother adamantly tried to stop me from sleeping with my baby it was the safety of her great grandchild that mattered. The safety of someone she loved. When the little old lady at the store thought that I was going to go out into the cold without putting a hat on my baby she wasn't going to have her life changed whether I did or not. She was simply concerned for the health of my baby.

Sure, there are exceptions. Maybe that lady just thinks all mothers nowadays are irresponsible, and her pointing out that I needed to put a hat on my baby just fueled her "I told you so" attitude. Maybe, maybe not. What I figure is that people like that may annoy you for a second but they live with their own critical attitude all day every day. Poor, poor souls.

Suggestions and predictions given may without a doubt fall into the crazy column. But we live in a fast paced world where science and medicine are always learning and expanding. I can guarantee that something you are certain of now will be debunked down the road. And there you'll be, looking at the younger generation wondering how they could be going against what you know is fact. We live in a world of trends and suppositions. Today will not equal tomorrow. But every day will have its assertive opinion givers and its counteracting offensive players.

I cannot choose the attitude or theories of another. I am unable to select what thoughts they will express. The only thing I have direct control over is my own reaction. I can control how I react and what I do with the advice. Do I shrug it off? Do I acknowledge it and file it away in case I need it later? Do I open discussion or look into it further? Or do I take offense and stress over it, and over the fact that I have to make a choice with the world as my witness, and ruminate on what right they had to contribute in the first place and what they really thought...? Now that is stress!

I am grateful for advice. It's like spam. Most of it is useless. But sometimes I get a golden nugget. Sometimes I get revelations. Well, okay, probably more often than spam would be accepted. What I am given will be appreciated because life is so full of possibilities and so much that could be missed. There was a time when extended family would teach the children how to be mothers. Time constraints and western lifestyles don't make that the norm any more.

Go ahead grandma, ask me what I am feeding my daughter. Thanks for caring. Go ahead old friend, point out an available option. Thanks for caring enough to let me know something I may have known nothing about. Go ahead stranger in the store, remark on a safety issue. Thanks for seeing I might have had no sleep last night and I may be clueless.

And if I don't think your motivation is caring, oh well. You have to be accountable for your motives, not me. And if I do know the options, oh well. You don't know my thoughts. Only I do. And if I am not clueless, oh well. Your opinion of me is really none of my business.

Educating myself and trying my best is my business. And I'd rather focus my time and energy in that than worrying about the thoughts if others.

Imagination Formation

I can remember being little and imagining crazy scenarios and exciting people and risky adventures. I can recall my brother and I making a mess by make-believing the bath tub as a water slide. I can call to mind, as I was a very shy girl, numerous occasions where I got caught talking to myself and was quite embarrassed.

Now I am watching my daughter's daydreams awaken. For some time already, she has been analytically imitating. She enjoys playing with objects mommy and daddy use more than she does her own toys. Pots and pans, cutlery, boxes, remotes, keys. Moving bottles from the shower or the spice cupboard and carefully arranging them elsewhere. Thoroughly washing everything with a cloth or sweeping any surface with a little broom that my mom gave her. Animatedly talking on the phone while pacing. And stirring, stirring, stirring. I think she will be quite the little helper.

She is just now starting to expand her imagining. She will give her stuffed animals her sucky or a drink of water. She will eat pretend food and exclaim, "Mmmmm!" She will sing to and rock her baby. She just started saying good night to each individual bath toy at bedtime-- a lengthly process of "nigh nigh duckie, nigh nigh truck, nigh nigh bubbles, nigh nigh water..." Then we are off to read more books and further build her vocabulary and imagination. When she sleeps she obviously dreams as she wakes up saying, "uh oh" or "beep beep".

Growing up I had a brother who was only 13 months younger. (Oh my, momma! Pregnant with a four month old!) I usually had someone to join me in my make believe world. Though my sweet daughter will have oodles of young relatives and friends to visit, church mates to run around with, and play groups to attend (mom will definitely have her socializing), she won't have the sibling right there at home to cause trouble with like I did. She'll have her devoted dog. But her canine is getting older. Though she dutifully lets our curious monkey pile stuff on top of her and she playfully fights over the ball (to the child's eventual selfish frustration), I don't imagine she will always be too eager of a play mate.

Unfortunately, I won't be able to offer my daughter a brother or sister like what I grew up with. Two children close in age had been my hope all along, simply because it is what was familiar to me. But sometimes you have to let dreams go and settle for the amazing blessings that you have. I never knew if post cancer I would be able to have a child but I now have my health and I have a beautiful, smart, well behaved little princess.

She will have her silly mommy and daddy to play with. Daddy already plays Lego or climbs into her little tent or explores the outdoors with her. Soon I am sure she will ask him for tea parties and camp outs in the living room. I love how she brings the kids out in us. Not only is her imagination developing, but so is ours. The things she gets us to wear as "hats" (the other day she wanted me to wear a step stool on my head). The sound effects we end up exploring. (What is the difference between a fire truck and police car siren?) The voices we assign to characters in her numerous books.

I will try to feed her brain positive images. My imagination had been clouded with so many visuals I didn't understand. Violence on television. Scary characters and villains. Movies I shouldn't have watched. For 20 years I had to wrap my feet in a blanket in order to sleep because of fear that something would stab my foot. I want my precious tot to enjoy her childhood for as long as possible. I will not be able to shelter her from everything, but I will choose to instill positive, encouraging, loving images in her mind (though I do need to work on the mom is patient with dad image),

As her comprehension grows and her fabrication develops I look forward to enjoying her stories. I have my note book ready to record the cute things she says. Right now it is a melodious babble with the random word. As her communication expands I will embrace her creativity. We are going to go bear hunting and play with pretty fairies. We are going to make enchanting castles and explore magical kingdoms. Who knows what else we will do? Her personality will soon tell.

Out Of My Mind

I had one of those defeating days today. Feeling unappreciated and misunderstood. Questioning myself. One of those days when socializing is difficult and curling up in something cozy with hot chocolate and an interesting book would be absolutely ideal.

These types of days are, thankfully, few and far between, instead of regular like they once were. But even short lived, they have the potential to affect many areas. They deposit land mines that inflict damage when they go off. If I treat someone like crap because I feel horrible, they aren't going to think, "Oh, that's okay. She is struggling." Because the truth is, words and actions get down deep into the soul of another, even if they know you have a list of problems to justify your snarly attitude or emotional demeanor. You can't change what happens to you but you can change the reaction you choose. Sometimes, the only reaction someone prefers is one that greatly expresses the problem.

"How are you feeling?" has become such an empty, often rhetorical question. In reality, that question needs to be honestly answered only for a reason. To get something off your chest and move on. To seek counsel. To know someone understands. To help you or the other person grow. To realize it isn't that bad. But, like I said, misery isn't a place to sit and have a pity party. You can't keep sharing it over and over and expect positive results. It's like the boy who cried wolf. When is a complainer's issue really a predicament that requires support? And if help were to actually bring a resolution, would it be welcomed?

I am very aware of my bad mood and its effects on others around me. I look at the way-back-when me and I see someone I wouldn't want to be around. When I have a momentary relapse I again believe I am not someone anyone would desire to fellowship with. Of course, a spiral begins because feeling unwanted doesn't get me out of the slump.

What gets me out of the slump is looking outside of myself. Contacting a friend and asking how they are doing and truly listening to them and their feelings. Doing something nice for someone. Being happy for the accomplishments or blessings of another. Giving. Loving. Blessing. Interceding for someone. Outside of me.

Tell that to someone in the middle of the doldrums and they will usually disagree. Or, like I used to think, they will worry that their issue will be minimized and mean nothing if they turn from it for a moment. When I was very depressed I wanted help and thought if I turned from that and expressed any joy, then my need wouldn't be taken seriously and I would have less of a chance of resolution. So I felt guilty if anything attempted to lift me out of my melancholy. Through living, growing, and spirituality, I finally learned that the constant focus on my issue only amplified it. Staying in the misery increased its size. Mole hills became mountains. I was feeding sadness and what I needed to do was feed joy.

So tonight I still went out as planned, in spite of my cloud of frustration. At first it was quite difficult to be around people. But I let go and payed attention to them. And what do you know? In the long run, if it wasn't for a very tired toddler in my arms, I would have even stayed out and socialized pretty late.

I am glad I ventured out. Out of my house but also out of my own mind. Yes, I am out of my mind. But the splendid thing is I am getting into the minds of others, and discovering it is a joyful place to be.

I Am Still Writing

The revelation that a weakness has improved is always welcoming. Keeping your cool in a situation that used to infuriate you. Choosing a healthier snack option. Finally remembering to take out the trash on time. Or, maybe you remarkably stopped burning the grilled cheese. I am used to a little charcoal on my sandwich, but still I'd love it if I ever made that basic kitchen-skills landmark.

Last night I discovered an area I have grown that I finally let myself invest time. I am not best with time management and often kick myself for how I spend my days. I can spend time cleaning the house, patiently being a mom, faithfully exercising, committing to making a homemade meal. But I have always struggled with putting aside time for one of my staple needs--creativity.

I am naturally artistic like my father. I will use it sometimes for an event or a gift for someone. But I have never been able to say, "Okay, this afternoon I am drawing. Or painting, or crafting, or writing". It's like my mind gets frantically erased by little micro dusters that waltz in and whisk my ideas away while declaring, "Make room for something more productive!" Why does doing something artistic feel like a bad thing?

I think it is mainly a case of requiring instant gratification. If I make you a homemade birthday card, you will tell me you appreciate it. If I plan a new bulletin board for the church, someone will tell me they like it. Hmmm, am I really that shallow? If I spend ours trying to improve my fine brush skills or my steady hand or my blending of color, I may end up with nothing presentable to show for it. And in the end, the only person judging my work is me. Unfortunately, I don't bolster myself up very well (or others for that matter, but that is a concomitant wall to scale).

When I started writing I knew I would enjoy delving into my conglomeration of brain waves, but I thought it would be difficult to keep up. I expected my inner critique to get in the way and fill me with all kinds of excuses (oh it tries!). But, what the little light bulb suddenly lit up last night is that here I am, taking another nap time to type away while dishes are piled up and numerous other things could be tackled. (I think it might be bad that I do enjoy sitting on my bottom staring at this screen.)

I am taking what could end up being an hour out of my day to produce something that may be exhibited, and may or may not have an acclaimed, or even accepted, result. I am putting myself out there. I start many topics only to decide they are inadequate. I worry about what people will think. Am I crazy? Or daft? I attempt a paragraph only to get distracted by another task, usually forgetting to save and losing the work I did accomplish.(There I go again. Answered the phone and ended up washing dishes before coming back!) But, in spite of self criticism and the whirling of life around me, I plod on. I never used to like pushing against maybes and what-ifs and I-shoulds.

Possibly my growth of late is the fact that having a child has slowed me down and also made me more aware of my time. I have to let go of things that need to be done to give my time to her. And, like I said in my blog Embrace Creativity, I have to be in touch with the gifts I was given to help my daughter be able to follow her own talents. For sanity sake, I also have to keep my own identity outside of being someone's mom. I am not just a cooking, cleaning, diaper changing, book reading momma. I am still me. Imaginative, artistic, analytical me. And it feels good to take the time to do something about that.

When my daughter gets older I will have more opportunity to use my strengths by arranging crafts, planning parties, helping her with school. But I know that for me I also need to keep up with creativity that isn't related to her. To do something on my own.

As you may have already surmised, though, it will often have her as a topic!

Stretch Your Mind Like A Toddler

Obviously, adults don't learn at as high a rate as children. Is it because we get lazy? Insecure? Preoccupied with other have-to-dos? Is our learning capacity based on use it or lose it? Because it is quite shocking how much a toddler learns. So many new concepts and words continuously developing.

My daughter is not a year and a half and has new cognition every day. For the first time yesterday she asked for my hand walking down the street. Though she cannot yet count she has shown numerous times, to a few different relatives, that she knows that 10 follows 9. She blurts out new words every day, with complete comprehension. Like her bowl, tent, back-pack, orange. Her ability to follow directions astounds me (which I enjoy wholeheartedly as I know that will weaken when free will expression begins). I asked her to get a mat and sit on her bum so she could have some smoothie, which I do so that she can drink it herself and be free to make a mess. She complied, while exclaiming "bum" and sitting so cutely. Then later she grabbed the same mat and sat on it charmingly and said "bum", obviously waiting for a treat.

I am not bragging on her. I know children in general are perceptive and inquisitive, even if they are emotional and easily distracted. Whether or not a toddler expresses their discoveries through words or actions, they are constantly learning copious new things. They watch and listen and experiment, even if they are just playing. And their open mind is just a sponge.

I'd like to "open" my mind to learning more. I know it is possible. And I have good intentions. Books about memory improvement. Nintendo DS "Brain Age" games. But they are useless if not used. What matters most, though, is stretching the mind. Learning something original, like a language or an instrument. Taking advantage of curiosity and looking into an uncertainty or clarifying a conjecture instead of just letting a question go that isn't understood. Pushing out of limits by talking to new people and trying diverse activities. Like a training athlete shouldn't stick to one form of exercise if they want to prevent future strain, we need to exercise our brain in more ways than one to keep it fit. My daughter is currently learning letters, numbers, colors, animals, foods, manners, sounds, rules... The list is endless. No wonder her brain is at its peak fitness level.

She pushes me to learn myself. Of course, I have to learn about the new frontier I enter every day with a toddler. "Is she supposed to do that?" "How do I deal with this?" As well, wanting to help her learn I must be open to learning myself. She will soon ask me so many questions. I don't want to answer "I don't know" to too many of them. She will ask about nature, family, work, any oddity, and why things aren't the same everywhere. I will need to solidify my faith and know why I do or do not believe what I believe so that I can be comfortable with her questions. I need to up my attention span for life. Be aware of my surroundings. Pay mind to current events.

Learning takes time and energy. It is so easy to find something mindless to do instead. I need to commit time to keeping my brain alert and keeping the synapses flowing. Sure, it'll probably just be little spurts of learning when I find time. Not like when I was about 20 years old and took 3 hours straight to memorize the order of a shuffled deck of cards. I saw the feat accomplished on television and was determined to replicate it myself. Ah, to have all the time in the world to waste.

But I figure the investment is worth it. If I am open to learning, my life will be so much more richer. For substantially longer, I hope. I want to mentally be there for my girl right into her adulthood and share as much as I can with her. I am not looking forward to algebra and history homework, but I will sure give it a try. As I stand in awe of my daughter and her brain, I hope she'll be proud of me and my thinker, too.

Half An Hour

Becoming a mother sure has changed my concept of time! I will attempt things I never would have before. I take any spare moment as an opportunity to be productive (well, often I actually choose to relax or waste time, but that's not the point). Half an hour would have been nothing in the past but now it is enough to gratefully accomplish almost anything.

Half an hour. Enough time for a solid workout. A quick household tidy or a comprehensive vacuum of the living room (I love having a dog, but really hate the hair!). A thorough dog brushing. A nice walk. A relaxing chapter of a book. A good prayer or devotional. A healthy snack. A swim?

Tonight my daughter and I finished our delicious dinner just as my husband walked in. I mentioned she'd had quite a late nap and so it would be the perfect evening to do something. I suggested we try a quick swim. What time was it? I looked at the clock. It was 7:20. There may be time. But we would have to leave NOW as the pool closed at 8pm. That gave us only 40 minutes.

I popped my girl out of the high hair and brushed the lasagna particles off her pants. Come to think of it, I don't even recall wiping her tomatoey hands. I placed her on the floor and daddy and I rushed down the hall to get ready. We changed as I frantically tried to untwist my bikini straps. Dad grabbed a back pack and while I somewhat shaved (really!) he threw in three towels. I grabbed shampoo and a diaper and as we rushed through the kitchen we scooped up our toddler and put on her boots. I impatiently stood at the truck door as daddy ruffled through coat pockets looking for his keys. I finally strapped in my damsel as she wondered with wide eyes what the rush was all about. Off we went!

We got to the pool quite quickly and enjoyed half an hour of splashing and kicking, playing with floating fish, and pouring water from a watering can down our faces. We tossed a ball (and bounced it off daddy's little girl's head) and played on the stairs. We cruised the lazy river and relaxed in the jacuzzi. We took photos of her smiley face as she treasured this moment with mom and dad. It was perfect. Just enough time to have a lovely before-bed swim. We followed with a cleansing shower and came home for a snack while daddy finally ate dinner.

Half an hour. Full. Fun. Family. Laughter. Pictures. Memories. Just half an hour. Imagine what adventure and fellowship the rest of our lives could hold?

I Will Show You

I will love the days that sprinkle down with rain.
Are powerfully blustery.
Blare with warm sunlight.
Chill right down to the bone.
Present new growth.
Become laden with thick fog.
I will love the days as they are presented to me because I cannot change them.
I will show you I love living so you can learn to love life.

I will love my family when they bring me laughter.
Frustrate me with broken promises.
Fill me with glowing pride.
Anger me with annoying habits.
Create cherished memories.
Confuse with their deep insecurities.
I will love my family because they will always be connected to me.
I will show you I love family so you can learn to love family.

I will love myself when I feel confident.
Become slightly overwhelmed.
Appreciate my strengths.
Know I need to step up.
Am aware I have adequate support.
Hate how I look.
I will love myself because I will always have to deal with myself.
I will show you I love myself so you can learn to love yourself.

I will work hard when I enjoy what I am doing.
Feel too tired to press on.
Receive instant gratification.
Long for appreciation.
Know I am doing well.
Remain underpaid.
I will work hard because I am working for God and not man.
I will show you how to work hard so that you can learn to work hard.

I will eat well when I keep very busy.
Fell too lazy.
Require replenishing nourishment.
Have overpowering cravings.
Hang with friends.
Need to soothe myself.
I will eat well because what I consume nourishes my body.
I will show you how to eat well so that you can learn to eat well.

I will be patient when everything falls into place.
I am going to be late.
Things unexpectedly happen.
I feel exhausted.
Distractions are overwhelming.
Misunderstandings occur.
I will be patient because my impatience will only hinder relationships and productivity.
I will show you how to be patient so that you can learn to be patient.

I will listen to my body when it appreciates my activities.
Warns me it needs to be strengthened.
Enjoys an undertaking.
Requires extra attention.
Hints to me something isn't right.
I will listen to my body because it is the only one I have.
I will show you how I listen to my body so you can learn to listen to your body.

I will spend my money wisely when I come up with a little extra.
Have a pressing need.
Want to carelessly splurge.
Don't desire to care.
Have the opportunity to be generous.
Must pay for repairs.
I will spend my money wisely because I want to plant seeds that will grow and prosper.
I will show you how to spend wisely so you can learn to spend wisely.

I will pray when I appreciate my countless blessings.
Feel defeated.
Think of others around me.
Need a fresh breakthrough.
Admire creation with awestruck wonder.
Run short on direction.
I will pray because I need to be in touch with the spirit.
I will show you how I pray so that you can learn to pray.

I will forgive myself when I don't appreciate my day.
Fail to show love to my family.
Choose not to love myself.
Decide not to work hard.
Regret not eating well.
Lack patience.
Don't listen to my body.
Flounder at spending wisely.
Forget to pray.
I will forgive myself because I am human.
I will show you how I can forgive so that you will know the freedom of forgiveness.