Mr Respect

"Back when I was young, we didn't disrespect our elders like that."

I remember frequently hearing comments like that when I was young. Older people exclaiming their displeasure with the way the next generation did... well, anything. I used to roll my eyes at the notion. Grumpy old people. Later in life I started to see their point, as younger kids wore less and less clothing, expressed their opinions more, and stayed out later.

But now, I'm on to the next circumstantial stage. A very contemplative point in life where I conscientiously have to decide what values and morals to pass on to my child, which beliefs I have to save from extinction, and what traditions can go out the door due to their plain lack of meaning or outdated objective. Every decision I make can't solely be because those before me had a standard or method (though we thank them for the scientific, medicinal, governmental, and relational breakthroughs they have accomplished for us). I have to ask myself why do we do and say.

Like I've mentioned before, some things are obvious, like saying please and thank you (okay, maybe not obvious why, but obvious in that it is my choice). But others things aren't as black and white. Turn one direction and they matter, turn another direction and they are a distant memory or an annoying presence that others want gone. One person judges for lack of action and on the opposite spectrum another judges for doing what they find unnecessary.

Like mister and misses. I look around me and see no reason to teach my daughter to address anyone by their last name. It doesn't appear to be put into practice. There have been a few people I was not certain about and when asked they usually felt uncomfortable with the titles. Albeit, the idea of first name basis for her elders is ingrained in me as strange. When I started going to church 16 years ago, I was surrounded by Mister So-and-So and Misses So-and-So. My experience was never as staid as some have grown up with. I've heard of people not even knowing the first names of others for their whole lives.

I would assume many factors have changed this curtesy. Women becoming stronger in their voice and not wanting to be called their mother-in-law's title (I can see it--Sorry, were you talking to me or my MIL?). More couples with different last names and more children with unmatched last names. Less married women in families and therefore a larger question of miss verses misses. A call for equality between women and men. The rise of trans-gender. A change in the view of how children fit in to society.

When I was young my step father, and many adults, thought children automatically fell into the seen and not heard category. We were forced to respect, whether earned or not. Obedience was enforced through fear. Our opinion did not matter and we were definitely not important. Now, in contrast, I see children as little human beings that need to know we see them, hear them, value them, and care about them. They can still learn to be polite and kind. They can be courteous and reverent on a first name basis.

I'm not saying that anyone who requires titles to be used is putting children under foot. But to me these titles represent a time when the world was all about the lower and the higher. The masters and the slaves. Starting at the bottom of the ladder and slowly working up. (Now, many expect to effortlessly leap to the top rung with no risk involved, but that's a different story).

I live in a world where the sweaty janitor or the grubby laborer is just as real a person as the proficient CEO or the ostentatious celebrity. (Life with instant information-sharing has proven they can all falter.) Who you are as a soul isn't determined by where you are at this moment in your life. (Do you need to read that again and declare it over yourself?) We are all beings with potential, feelings, hopes, failures, strengths, sins. No matter our age or occupation. And my daughter will learn that.

She will also learn, though, that she is surrounded by people from different eras. School will probably keep the titles, and so will doctors. There will be people in her life who are used to being addressed by their last name. I am hoping she will be comfortable asking when she needs to make a clarification. Even if they'll most likely laugh back and say, "Don't call me Mister!"

When I was young, we feared some elders but sure didn't respect them in any way. The more someone tried to force it, the less esteem we actually had for them.

"To respect a person is not possible without knowing him; care and responsibility would be blind if they were not guided by knowledge." -Erich Fromm

Late Night Dog Run

I just had an amazing late night run with both my dogs. We ran on a dark path so that they could be off leash. We saw three people and one dog and my crew didn't get startled or overprotective. I only jumped at inanimate objects a few times. Though if I wasn't with two large dogs I know it would be many more times.

I am finding running two bigger dogs with a toddler more complicated than I thought it would be. I don't regret it. I know that my toddler will have to see our older dog pass and so I wanted the younger around. My girl has bonded with her new friend very well. He is obviously her favorite. Though she also gets more frustrated with him. Yes, he does knock her over. But she will get quite upset when all he did was brush past.

A large dog can't stay cooped up. So I need to get them some exercise. They behave much better when they have had activity. Sometimes they run behind the truck. Many mornings the whole family walks them together. For additional times I often have them take turns. They are much easier to handle one at a time. The other day I brought Buddy home from a get-him-socialized outing and upon our return the older girl got quite mad at him for getting to go while she stayed home. His reaction, on the other hand, to being the one left at home is to not let me out of his sight. He doesn't want me to sneak away.

It is a nice training opportunity when occasion lets me take both canines together. As my daughter slept at home this evening, I took them for a 7 kilometer run. It was refreshing, though I now see the extensive difference in the pace between the two. The old girl had trouble keeping up. It makes me wonder if I should push to keep her healthy or just let her go. I wish I could do the same every evening. But then I would be quite tired. Too many things get left for the end of the day. It is now midnight and I have some oatmeal precooked and I am ready for bed.

But the dogs will not be sleeping in the bedroom tonight. They are still panting loudly. Being drenched in sweat may not always be convenient but I am quite grateful that I don't cool off through my tongue.

Write Over The Wall

I love to write. I wish I could just ramble to people and they would enjoy my conversation. But usually they obviously misunderstand or lose interest. Or I can't get it out. Okay, most often I can't get it out coherently. So, I write it on paper or type it out instead. That way, others can read instead of listen and I don't see the misunderstandings. I am not aware of those that just skim or stop part way. I don't know if eyes are rolled or tears are shed. I'm left with my own judgements. Which means only some get published.

One day I would like to write a book. It would be something encouraging. Maybe about feeling like I was going crazy, living drastically shy and ill, and working step-by-step toward joyful sanity. But I still struggle with reaching out to those hurting. Even though I am surrounded by them. Wishing I could help. But then comes the most dreaded question ever. How did you change?

That's a hard thing to answer. There are so many variables. And when I think of all the factors, I can unfortunately recall being presented with each one and knowing they wouldn't work. I remember arguing, denial, and excuses. Yes, on their own they would not work. Just forgiving those who hurt me, whether I wanted to or not, was not the end-all cure. Counteracting negative self-speak with positive affirmations was not going to work miracles on its own. Praying whole-heartedly was not going to alter reality without action. And that idea sucked. We all want an easy solution for our arduous problems. We all want to undo years in just an expeditious moment. We want to erase ingrained mental patterns instantly.

Not going to happen. It makes me think of a cartoon of two tunnels being dug into the rock looking for diamonds. In one tunnel, the worker gives up and dejectedly turns around. He doesn't realize his resplendent goal was literally right there. He'd put in a lot if work. He probably thought of quitting more than once. Maybe he figured he didn't deserve the riches. Maybe he figured he went the wrong way. Maybe he figured his labour wasn't getting him as far along as it felt like. He had decided it was all for nothing. Defeated, he turned away right before breakthrough.

We give up on a relationship we've taken years to build because of one little misunderstanding. We disown people we've invested in our whole lives because of petty differences. We let go of potential opportunities because we can't see exactly how much work is involved. We leave difficult situations because we concentrate on the work over the reward.

And most if all, we refuse to cultivate ourselves because we can't look past the current struggle to see the gratifying fortune on the other side. It's like a weight trainer. The work-out is exhausting. It's difficult. It's painful. But the results come. One day that much weight or that many reps will become easy and bigger goals can be established. Keeping it simple would produce no results.

Sometimes you need to go back into your painful past to more effectively deal with people in your future. Sometimes you need to face overwhelming fears to be able to better function in your destiny. Sometimes you need to step into the down-right unknown to discover amazing paths. Sometimes you need to admit your plaguing faults to operate out of your shining strengths. Sometimes you need to be utterly vulnerable to become strong. Sometimes you must let go of what you want to grasp on to what you need.

I've had to talk to people about things of which I would rather never speak. I have had to forget about others getting what I think they deserve because being unforgiving was weighing me down. I have had to be humbled in order to have a concrete base to build on.

With that base I can grow step by step. Some days, I step back. Sometimes I feel it is all crumbled. But those strong building blocks of faith are now there, so it is easier to put things back together. One step at a time.

Right now I feel like I have a million things I want to work on. But I have to stick to that one-step-at-a-time. So that I can focus on what matters. So that I can avoid being overwhelmed. So that I can live life.

And hopefully I can improve on my ability to write about it. So that I can help someone else to live their life, too.

The Rare Altruistic Ones

Working in the pharmacy I encounter all kinds of people, a variety of opinions, and a range of attitudes. There are a few people that truly get my attention with their devotion to their loved ones. Sure, I only see a small part of the picture, but what I see is selfless giving of something so very precious and limited: time. There are people who devote so much to a father, mother, or sibling who is ill or who has lost the capacity to take care of themselves. Some even take care of more than one loved one.

They have to let go of things in their own lives. The have to put a hold on their to-do list to take care of this priority. Some things they release will not be available to them again. What a very unselfish thing to do. Some live in the culture that would have them do it automatically without question. For others it would only be done reluctantly. Others find excuses to pass on the responsibility.

I am in awe of the few who choose to go out of their way for those who are not their family. The man who picks up items and transports more than one needing soul. It takes so much time but it doesn't matter because it needs to be done.

I wish I could be that selfless. Today I was called selfish and my initial reaction (inside) was anger. How can you call a mother selfish? I have given up many things and have to pass even on my own needs once in a while. I feel like I am constantly giving. Not selfish.

But searching my heart I know that the comment angers me simply because it is true. Just because I give more than I ever have does not mean I am not selfish. There are many, many times I could be giving more. But I am too distracted by my narcissistic thoughts. I am too busy concentrating on what I want and as a result I am unable to see what others need.

Being a parent requires sacrifice and compromise. But it also gives opportunity to hide from the give and take of the rest of the world. I don't have to commit to anything in the afternoon because my daughter needs to sleep. I don't have to have conversations with anyone at dinners or church because I am running after a toddler. I don't have to drop my day for someone else's needs because I can't just drop a kid. My easy out.

It's disheartening to think of my true nature even though I have grown. My husband is a very giving man which means I have a very high standard to live up to. I look at all the volunteer we have done and wonder how much I would have done without him. Much less, I am sure. I would have found valid reasons to be unavailable.

They usually are valid reasons. Everyone has their own troubles. Their own commitments. But that is the difference between a truly selfless person and the rest of us. When there is someone in need they don't consider the excuses valid enough. They will get back to their own agenda later.

My agenda isn't even that great. It is full of many more intentions than there are actions. There are things I would love to do that I have to decline. I would love to help some of those dear to me who are struggling financially, but due to my past selfishness I am not in a place to do so. I would love to speak into the lives of those I care about more, but because of my past selfishness I am not in the place to be received. Selfishness takes from everyone. It's curse is long lasting.

But it is never too late to change. It starts with a simple act of kindness. It starts with seeing the distress and lack in others. And when acted upon, the opportunities multiply. Not something a parsimonious or egocentric person would want to happen. But every single day gives us the opportunity to be humanitarian and grow in our capacity to think outside ourselves. We are surrounded by need.

"That's A Lot Of Bikes"

I took my daughter to the store today to buy her a push bike. The kind with no pedals. I don't think they had them when I was young. We had training wheels that were difficult to transition from without being too scared. Today I didn't really have the money but she emphatically points out every bike she sees and so I decided to take the opportunity of my trip to the city. As we entered the extensive bike section I knew it was an excellent idea. She was truly in heaven.

"That's a lot of bikes. That's a lot of bikes. That's a lot of bikes.."

There were people testing a few and she was delighted each time they went by. The best part was after we obtained the run bike and I pushed her all the way across the store to the till. I didn't even make her dismount at the checkout. I just picked up her and her new treasure together. She was very proud. And though no one paid attention, she informed every single person we passed that she was on a bike. For the three hour drive that followed it sat next to her in the truck. Every once in a while she would point it out. She would ask to have it on her lap and I would tell her it was too big.

I can't wait to lower the seat so she can touch the ground and truly give it a try. These push bikes are so simple but they really make sense. The child sits and pushes along with her feet. The more confident she gets the more she lifts her feet. What a great way to learn to ride a bike! And what an easy transition to a regular bike with pedals.

I don't have any early memories of learning to ride. I only remember a few incidents a few years later. Driving into a parked car. Or flying over the handle bars, landing on my face, and knocking out teeth. Usually, though, I enjoyed riding a bicycle. It was fast transportation between my house and my friends.

I know that my daughter will be thrilled. But I don't know what else to expect. I imagine, at 21 months, that the learning process will start slow. I don't know if she will comprehend the braking system. She may just expect mommy and daddy to do the work.

But she'll have fun. On her very own bike.

A Moment Is All It Takes

We went to the market on Saturday. It was so busy that we had trouble finding a parking spot. Trying not to take too long because we had a busy day, we weaved through the crowd to check out what was available. There was so much tantalizing food to choose from. We bought some raspberries, corn, zucchini, and beans. We decided to try kohlrabi (I mean I decided, as my daughter would prefer to sample berries or baking).

As I was paying for a container of raspberries my daughter tripped and fell. I glanced at her, down on the ground, to see if she was crying. She was fine and so I turned and grabbed my bag. I looked back.

And she was gone.

It took a second for me to worry as she is always close by. When we first arrive she wants to be in my safe arms. But it didn't appear to be that way at this incident. I looked around. Checked the booths next to where she was. No sign of her purple shirt and red hair. I started to panic. There were so many people. I ran my belongings over to my mother-in-law's booth and threw them down. I then scoured the crowd. For a moment I was terrified that she really was gone. My heart raced and I felt like I was going to panic. A vendor asked for her description and I was so glad I could recall what she was wearing.

And then there she was. Just wandering through a booth. Not disconcerted at all that I was not around. Wandering free like an un-supervised child. Not a care in the world. She was testing out her independence and enjoying her liberated venture.

I am not sure I am liking this new found desire for autonomy. I don't mind her trying to do things on her own. I don't mind her push to make decisions. But wandering off! That is not going to work with me!

I pride myself in my growth. My life used to be overwrought with fear. I was extremely grateful to enter motherhood with a toned down sensitivity to germs and dangers. If I were a young mother I would have been a crazy mother. I still have my moments that are driven by my desire to see my daughter develop into a healthy, confident, responsible, loving woman. I worry about the food she consumes and the chemicals I use in the home. I dislike my husband and myself handling her with our work clothes still on. I think too much about what could harm her. I just plain think too much.

But even with the fears I have left behind and the ability to see things as a bigger picture, I think this stage is going to be difficult. I am not enjoying the running the other way. I am not looking foreword to the hiding under the clothes racks. But I assume, like any other stage, it will seem overwhelming at first and then motherly instinct will kick in and I will learn to adapt and before I know it we will be passed the challenge and on to the next one.

Until then, it is time to be diligent. The next time we are in a crowd she will be in my arms or my eyes will be on her. I'll ask her to help me pay for our purchases. I can see why some moms use some sort of leash to keep themselves attached to their child. Their baby. Their world. Sometimes life requires your attention for a moment. A moment is all it takes.

Telltale Playback

Oh, Lindy, hmmm, your hair isn't very tidy on the back ... Watch the posture! Quit slouching!... You're interrupting. Listen!... Don't be so hard on yourself. Get over it and move on... Did you really just do that? What are you thinking?... Turn that frown upside down...

It would be beneficial (maybe?) if we could step outside of ourselves and objectively observe. See what we look like when you take away the thought patterns that meander from one thing to the next. See how we come across based on our physical actions and not our internal intentions. And just plain see how distracting some of our shortcomings can be to others. Like a teacher's aid I had once with nose hairs down to his lips. Not mustache. Nose hairs. Very distracting.

Some people feel they are positive but their expressions or nervous habits make the contrary seen by others. You can sing happy songs in your head all day but if you don't smile at others they'll never know. You can desire to have great friends but if you don't give them your time they wont know they matter. You can have feelings of love for another but if you never disclose that in words or actions then your valentine might never be aware.

My daughter really makes me more attentive of how I want to come across and the many distractions that get in the way. She is a little parrot, copying everything that I do and say. She reminds me that I must focus on what is important. I don't need her to learn how to nag at her father (or her future husband). It is essential that I deal with things in a positive way.

I can get lost in my thoughts and my expression can become quite solemn. I will have someone ask me what's wrong and I then notice my furrowed brow or slumped shoulders. I have to work on it. I held tension in my face and neck for years and years and years. I can see it in the lines forming between my eyebrows, reminding me to stop frowning (hmmm... i think I am frowning right now). I remember when the lines started. I begged my husband to tell me any time I scowled so I could smooth my forehead and stop the process. I even contemplated taping it.

I'd tell you that my irritable, sometimes petulant expression is lying and I'm actually on cloud nine tickled pink. But that wouldn't be honest. I know joy and peace now but I still have my moments where worry and fear and judgement get the best of me. That's why I think watching a recording of myself would help. It would be a nice smack in the face telling me to lighten up and be kinder to others.

There really is no excuse. It doesn't matter how crappy I see my childhood. It doesn't matter how much I've been hurt or let down. It doesn't matter how bad a day I had or whether I am hungry or tired. People don't see the painful memories stirred up from a bad experience 20 years ago (and if they did they would just tell me to get over it). They aren't aware when a harmless comment lashes like painful truth.

How I feel is not how I come across. My focus is not what is seen by others. My intentions are not what shine. Only my actions. My body language. My words. What I do, in spite of any reasons behind my actions.

Say thank you when you feel thankful... Compliment when you think of it... Laugh when the urge arises... Forgive when you feel the push to do so... Smile, smile, smile...

Oh wait, stop smiling! You have food in your braces!

The Amazing Things (According to a 20-Month-Old)

Toddlers can get quite enchanted and thrilled about anything. Everything is new to them and their understanding of their surroundings is limited. Something insignificant to us can be the highlight of their day. Today is was crows, bridges, firetrucks, and green peppers.

I love the uniqueness of growing little minds. Each child will focus on different wonders. My daughter has a few items she will always point out.

Sun. She sees the sun in many things. The spokes on a large tire. The tags cut out for a sale at the store (where she will point and repeat with joy for each new one she notices). One time we were traveling and there was a large water turbine on display as an art piece. The real sun reflected on the bewitching surface and illuminated the metal. My daughter was in awe. She couldn't take her eyes off of this alluring sun. She knows how glorious the sun is and I am grateful how much it shines in her fascinating life.

Stars. Which she always calls twinkle stars. She gets me to draw them daily, She sees them on the clothing of others. She catches the smallest star in an ad or on a sign. And when she glimpses the twinkling in the night sky she is captivated. We've watched a few movies outside at night and she is always distracted by the twinkling arrangement way over her head. Her amazement will most likely grow as she gets older and discovers how vast the heavens really are. We love to lay under the night display and stare at them and watch the occasional shooting star. I look forward to her first meteor shower experience.

Ball. She is so enchanted with this item that she already attempts to distinguish its use. She used to call them all B-ball but now she likes the addition of the type. Baseball, soccer ball, beach ball, tennis ball, bocce ball... The list goes on. If she doesn't know, it is a basket ball. She still often doesn't remember the difference, which is quite understandable. I love her desire for classification when she has no idea what is actually done with any of them. But we will have plenty of opportunity to help her grouping and understanding develop. We'll take a soccer ball to the field. We'll go bowling. We'll try the tennis court. The options are limitless. Just like her future.

Train. When a train comes rumbling along we have to stop what we are doing and acknowledge its passing. As it comes she declares, "Here comes train!" When it slowly chugs by she will wave and call out, "Hi, train!" When it is done and is no longer in her view she will ask, "Where'd train go? Where'd train go?" This large, long, noisy structure passes by every day. Who knows where it came from and who knows where it is going. How can something so immense and clamorous suddenly be gone? It is still so unfathomable!

Apple. This was one if her first frequently used words. It isn't just a fruit. This little, familiar shape can be seen everywhere. She sees it on the backs of lap tops and phones and declares its presence. She loves when she encounters it is random places. Of course, she also adores the crunch of the fruit. She has overdone it a bit and seems to be taking a little break at the moment. Now, in the edible sense, we have moved on to the raspberries that grow behind the house.

Dog. She is a dog lover. She has two great companions to bond with. They are her best friends. She calls out to them constantly. She makes up little games that they tolerate. They don't like the "Close The Gate On The Dogs" game, where she swings her baby gate shut so they can't push through and they are stuck waiting her release. The one dog she likes to tease extensively, to the point where at times I have to confiscate weapons (er, toys). Today she discovered tug-of-war as her and her buddy tore apart one of her play skirts.

Book. Her favorite pastime. Her most prized possession. She flips through the pages and tells a story. She points at everything and names the items. She travels long distance quite well as long as she has a pile of treasured books. I've already decided her second birthday will be a Book Party. She loves Dr Suess, Dora the Explorer, I Spy, Baby Einstein, Winnie the Pooh, Franklin, and anything with animals.

Barn. Bike. Plane. Door. Seriously, she likes to point out doors on houses. As she grows she'll keep some favorites and gain some new infatuations. Maybe she'll get into the typical ponies and princesses. Or maybe it will be bugs and trucks. I love seeing things catch her interest. My wish is that she will be confident to choose what she enjoys. I pray she will know what she likes and why and she won't be afraid of what people think.

I hope that she keeps a toddler-like love for life all of her days. The world is waiting for her to discover its numerous-as-the-stars treasures.

Snuggle!

I have dinner half prepared, with a pile of items scattered on the counter ready to chop. But my darling girl is struggling with sleeping in the heat and so work waits. My princess is currently fast asleep In my arms. The most gorgeous teddy bear I've ever seen. Clutching her prized dalmatian. She did sleep about 50 minutes in her bed and I considered leaving it at that. But daddy wants to do something this evening (maybe) and so I'd like her to be rested. She obviously was not finished her beauty sleep. She is fairly adaptable but her fuse is shorter on lack of shut-eye. She must get that from me.

With a toddler at 20 months old I probably shouldn't be having the matter of her needing me to go to sleep anymore. She should be independent. But because she is my one and only miracle baby she has enjoyed an abundance of cuddles. Her resulting default on a down day--one with heat or a cold or teething--is to want to be close. She even asks me, "Mommy, snuggle!"

I used to feel guilty lazing around with her when there were things to do. But I really struggled with productivity. I would have intentions but succumb to distraction after distraction. I would be overwhelmed by my to-do list but then do something else instead (hmmm, just what infuriates me about my husband). Sometimes I wish I could get into the heads of others and see their average day. Am I normal? Or do others fight this toss between one thing and the next, and another thing. Boredom? What's that? Then I will see the first task is still there, partially done, waiting. Cleaning up for me is actually making a mess.

It's way less stress to just cuddle.

I am improving though. I have substantially progressed in my productivity. I cook and clean more than I ever have. Which, like I said, still may be nothing compared to the average. I don't know. And after all my work is done I wonder how much time I would have to invest in cleaning for this place to actually look clean. I'll wash the floors a few times, or more, in a week and then my daughter will run around for an hour and her feet will be black. Good thing she loves baths.

I so enjoy the closeness that she gives me now. It isn't a waste of time. She's my world. One day I will miss it.

So you can come over but be aware that even though the floor looks dirty, it has been washed. In between our crawling under bridges and tents. Watch your step. It has been tidied, but my home is overrun with toys. The dust may accumulate, but my daughter won't remember. The laundry may pile up... She will remember that. It's obvious. But after we snuggle in for a bit and ignore the pile one last time she loves to help put it away. She'll add some clean items to the dirty basket to keep me on my toes.

Since she is asleep on me while I type instead of making my salad, she is going to have to help me prep veggies after nap. With her assisting I've discovered that even though vegetables are not her favourite she really likes green onions. I have to chop extra. Today she will get to try purple cabbage. And she will munch on celery and hopefully swallow some instead of chewing it and spitting it all out on the floor like she is staring in a western movie.

And when the salad is done we will eat it with our crock pot meat loaf. Before we go off on whatever evening adventure we decide to have. And once we have burned all of our energy it will be time to bathe and cuddle up with a book. Snuggles.

Oh, the life of a toddler.

UNappropriate

This world is a crazy place. Flooded with un-parented, broken human beings. Sometimes I wonder of it is getting worse or I am just old and slowly getting crotchety. Yesterday I thought, do I have to hear another song about one night stands, drinking binges, and the dance floor? I don't understand why this is the popular music. Is this the nation's dream? Is this the lifestyle of the majority? I'm not against it. It just makes no sense in the corner store or the local radio. Neither does lack of manners and disrespect.

I appreciate uniqueness and diversity and that I am surrounded by people of all different ages and backgrounds. I am certain that my questioning of the music would even be taken as small minded by some. But sometimes I just can't see how something is acceptable.

The other day I played a children's video on a children's channel on You Tube and went into the next room. My daughter, 20 months, watched the song and it went to the next children's song. An ad preceded the following video. Next thing I know, I hear very negative swearing. I ran in and hit skip ad, wondering how she navigated away from the page without a keyboard, only to find the offensive ad was in front of the intended children's video. I was not happy. I wasn't being a stick in the mud or a prude. That's just not right.

Sure, the answer would be to not let my daughter watch a You Tube video. Easy solution. That is what I declared at first. As it's the easiest, cheapest way to play a children's song by request, though, I returned with supervision. As she tried to push the buttons herself.

What will I have to keep her from? I don't want to shelter her but I want her to enjoy being a child for as long as possible. Life is stressful enough with all the comparing and bullying and peer-pressure that she will have to witness. Why add more issues? Sometimes I think about homeschooling to keep her from all the disquiet but I know there is good out there as well and many benefits to experiencing society. Though some days it is harder to see the light in the sludge.

A few years ago I used to pass an elementary school on my way to work every day. I was absolutely astounded at the language and the topics that would emanate from the playground. An elementary school. Where do they get this? Do their parents just speak to them like they are part of the gang? Are they trying to buy their love with cool friendship? Are they allowed to watch whatever they want on television? Is there any censorship? Can't people make a decision to be responsible for the benefit of another? I personally had to work on my, "Oh shit!" habit when it became one of my daughter's first words.

Growing up I think my mom tried to make up for faults by being a friend. We watched things we shouldn't. We drank at home. We grew up too fast. When we should have been learning more about ourselves and our strengths we were focusing on things we shouldn't have to worry about yet. Kids should be kids.

I know it's not all parenting. But the more moms and dads on board the more children who will stand up for what's right. A few months ago I went to a parenting talk and there was a mother who asked what was wrong with swearing. She said that they were just words that weren't as harsh as they used to be and it wouldn't bother her if her children spoke them. I tried to be open minded. I tried to consider the times. I imagined my neighbor's foul language being spoken everywhere and I just couldn't agree. Where is politeness? Where is respect?

I will continue to try to set an example for my growing daughter and try to teach her that there are attitudes that are important. And there are attitudes to be avoided. First Corinthians 6:12 says, "All things are lawful for me, but not all things are profitable. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be mastered by anything." Just because I can do something, just because I can get away with something, doesn't mean that it is the beneficial thing to do.

This gives me a choice to ponder. As my daughter's advocate, how far do I go to protect her? My choices shouldn't take away someone else's freedom. My decision shouldn't prevent someone else from living their life. But for each "issue" I will have, when does their right to choose interfere with my right to protect my child?

I am certain this will continuously be a fine line that at times I will leave alone and at other times I will cross. I am completely aware that swearing is not seen as an issue by some and I know quite well there are other, more pressing matters for me to be concerned about. Likewise, I know I may struggle with others trying to hinder my daughter's freedom as they feel I let her do something with which they don't agree.

I must choose to pick my battles on what I know I believe and not what someone else thinks. I must make my choices based on the future of my daughter's generation. I must not base my decisions on convenience or trying to fit in. I must choose to pick my battles based on the things that are important for us to be able to do.

At this point it is not at all important for my daughter to be online. It's an occasional distraction. But one day, in this world of technology, she will have to be comfortable with navigating the cyber world. The large, open, scary cyber world full of narcissistic, opinionated, ignorant people. I will be by her side helping her learn to be safe and responsible.

And I am really hoping there are going to be enough other parents taking the time to do the same so that we can help create a nourishing, encouraging atmosphere in which our children can grow. For the sake of our children's own generation and for the next that will follow and the next to follow after that as well.